Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I'm not dead, I feel happy

I've been neglecting you guys really badly. Probably not as badly as my Children's Week orphans - I really need to stop flying off cliffs and forgetting there's a small child following me...

I still don't really have time to write anything substantial. Working two jobs, plus some illness lately, plus a lot going on in the game has meant putting the blog to one side for a bit. Also, honestly, I don't really have much to write about at the moment because I simply haven't had a chance to stop and think about my character or general happenings in the game. I've basically been going through the raiding motions for the last few weeks and haven't even had a chance to stop and check out the new stuff.

I'm not a big fan of constantly regurgitating WoWInsider or MMO material - I do it sometimes for the big stuff, but I never intended my blog to just be another news snippet portal. I want to *write*. Part Time Druid's article on blogging is spookily-timed, sometimes I think a few of you druids are nosing around in my head.

The point is - I don't really like the idea of posting for the sake of posting. I could easily throw down some snippets from MMO etc, to make it look like I'm being active and whatnot, but the fact is that plenty of other people do that, there's not really any need for me to, and if I do it too often I start to feel like a cheater.

Add to that the fact that I could be posting these news items, but I don't have time to sit and discuss my thoughts at the moment. Take the legendary mace for example - obviously a hot topic.. but I don't have time to put my thoughts down about it. And even if I did, I'm not sure I would want to since I'm lagging behind everyone and everything has probably already been said. I don't really want to be rehashing other people's ideas.

I'm certainly not criticising those of you who are reporting back with your thoughts on items and changes.. I just don't like looking as though I am piggy-backing.

So until I can relax a bit and find some time to come up with some of my own content, I'm not happy just reposting blues etc. I don't mind posting on hot/shared topics, but I need to feel that what I am writing is valued and fairly original, otherwise I feel like I am doing myself a disservice.


A quick update

But I will give a brief update on what has been going on for me in the last few weeks:

Yogg Saron is cool.

Still working on Yogg-Saron. Awesome fight; kinda annoying that we need to take fewer healers though (and even then those healers need to spend time DPSing). We are pretty much neck-and-neck with our nearest rival guild; I think they may take the server first tonight if we aren't able to get back in there. That will make me a very sad panda, considering all the problems we've had in the last week or two.. but they have been working hard this last week. It has been a good race. I just don't like being second ;)

Drama llamas

The guild is bouncing back from the AMGDRAMA of our MT/Raid Leader having a progression meltdown and transferring in the middle of the night. Another officer took the opportunity to leave at the same time, shaving us down to 4 officers, which doesn't sit well with me at the moment - I prefer around 6.

We lost a few people to RL stuff, a few jumped ship because they felt the grass was greener in another guild that was 2 weeks/1 boss ahead of us, and we lost a few people to a mix: those who claimed RL issues but really just wanted to leave to go to a "better" guild. Poor form kids - it's not hard to find you, and it just makes you look like your pants are on fire. I expected better... but what can you do. I don't understand why people feel the need to cover up their intentions and reasons. I've been in a situation where I couldn't raid according to my standards and my goals, and it's horrible. If people really want to go, I can empathise. I just don't understand why you would lie about it - it just makes things even more unpleasant.

If you're really unhappy and you feel that moving on is the only solution, just say so. Just say you want to go to a more progressed guild. Don't look me in the eye and tell me you're failing school and giving your account away to someone or your car exploded so you can't afford to play anymore, and then let me notice you back and playing in another guild on another server under another name. We're not idiots, you just make yourself look bad doing that. Man up, say you're not content and that you need to move on. There'll probably be a little bit of annoyance, but a whole lot less than if you spin some ridiculous lie and then get found out later.

I think a few people should read Matticus' articles on drama and gquitting. Call me crazy old-fashioned, but I think that after you play in a guild for a period of time, it would be nice to do the "right thing" by your team and actually talk to someone. Failing that, at least don't lie when you leave.

It would actually be nice to STAY FRIENDS instead of you burning your bridges on the way out.

On a nicer note - we gained a few people, which is very exciting. I like new faces. Really looking forward to getting to know everyone better.

Why I'm tired

I spent a few days mashing together a new guild website after ours was taken down; another reason why I have had so little time to blog! It was important to get a site up ASAP to make sure we could advertise and also just to have a web presence. I'm so excited about controlling our website; previously it was not updated frequently, and I think it looked more like an online brochure rather than something that showed us as an active, progressive guild. Now that I am in control, I can update it as often as I like, and that makes me extremely happy. I'm weird.

Our ravaged guild bank went from 10k to 30k within a few days, meaning I could turn guild bank repairs on for everyone while we are learning Yogg. I've spent a lot of time this week taking out my frustrations through fishing, farming and playing the AH for the guild bank - it has made me very happy to see it back up to a healthy level. Plus, a very generous ex-guildmate quit the game and sent us 6500g - /wave Amarant! :)

We may not get the server first Yogg kill, which will be very disappointing. But boy did we go through a lot to keep raiding... so any disappointment will likely be short lived - I'm just glad we're still here. We've been poached, robbed, mocked, lied to, let down and generally knocked around, but we're still going, and I'm so proud. Everyone could have thrown their hands in the air and said it was too hard to continue - but we're still raiding and progressing, and it feels great.


Phat Loots

Loot is a non-issue for me at the moment. Often we will kill a boss and I forget they have loot (good thing the badges are distributed automatically now, or I would have missed a lot). I'm more interested in the kills. Obviously I want to get my hands on the T8 4pc bonus ASAP, but otherwise I have a very relaxed "if loot lands in my lap, cool" attitude. I never look at my DKP, I just don't care.

So far I have picked up the T8 chest, those nice bracers, and a ring.

I also have 3 Fragments of Val'anyr in the bank :)


My direction

This recent "unpleasantness" has kinda thrust me more into a GM/leadership role than I had previously cared to perform. I can lead; I just prefer to be the quiet achiever who does stuff for the guild in the background.

The other officers are great, and we have a great new raid leader, too, which is a relief because I'm not a raid leader. I'm a one-trick pony :P

I'm not sure how this will impact on my game or blog, though. Obviously things are more chaotic than normal at the moment, but I don't know how much extra time I will need to devote to the guild (over and above what I was already doing). I worry that I'm not actually getting any time to play other than for a couple of hours on the weekend - most of the rest of my time is taken up doing officery things.

Things are still a bit up in the air at the moment, but I am very wary of burnout. I don't want to let my guild down while we are going through some changes (plus I have 3 legendary shards, and that puts a certain amount of pressure on a person to stick around and not explode!). I hope that things will settle enough that I will be able to keep enjoying my druid - with the flow-on effect being that I am able to keep blogging about enjoying my druid.



Hopefully I'll be able to get back into writing (in my spare time, not at work, this is so naughty) soon. I still owe you guys a final Healbot writeup, after all.

12 comments:

PTD said...

Keeva--

I don't know if I mentioned it in my post, but I share similar reasons for not posting much lately. I only want to post when I really have something that I think needs saying. Just like you, I certainly don't begrudge blogs that are more like WoW Journals, and read quite a few of them, but I can't do that myself.

Thanks for reading, and for the link!

Kayeri said...

I'm just glad you posted that you are still around. Since you've said it, we all knew you were slogging hard to hold the guild strong AND get Yogg down, so its obvious you've been working your hind end off. :)

So no worries, just an occasional, "we're still here" is fine until we see the triumphal, "we killed Yogg" post... :)

Hang in there, Keeva, been cheering you on!

Averna said...

/hug!!!!

Sounds like you've been through quite a lot... grats on keeping it together and chugging along. You guys will get Yoggy down soon, I'm sure, and I can't wait to hear about it when you do! =D

fallingleavesandwings said...

I feel your pain and can empathize Keeva. Monolith had a split at the end of vanilla WoW start of BC and it required a lot of rebuilding.

We didn't find our stride until the end of SSC/TK, and those that left to form the new guild were hell bent on trying to run us to the ground in any fashion possible, they used an old officers password to access our forums, and posted things from our officer forum on the realm forum before we figured out what was happening. They even resorted to personal attacks on very nice individuals who for all intents and purposes minded their own business and left them alone(including me) =(

I was thrust back into a leadership capacity, which I was more than content not to have, and I was flat out miserable for a very long time....

But, in the end the preserverence was worth it. Overcoming the massive obstacles we faced was worth it. And even the stress I felt for a good while was worth it.

Lastly, I know going from always being number one to not being number one is really, really hard. Monolith was the number one horde guild on our server without contest in Vanilla WoW. I am also VERY competitive, so plummiting from that spot at the start of tbc during our rebuild was an extremely hard pill to swallow. But...once I realised that focusing more on getting things done and less on how others were getting things done, I was infinately more happy. It took me almost 3/4 of TBC to realize that, but once I did the amount of stress lifted from me was enormous. You sound like you aren't going to go from 1 to 8 but from 1 to 2. BUT...you have a lot of changes in your guild AND hard modes ahead of you! Stay positive and if you don't get the first YS kill...just use that energy to positively motivate for the next push =)

If you are feeling a little burned out, and I know it is hard...but delegate some of your new responsibilties as you feel comfortable doing so, and it is REALLY important to take some time out from the game on your off time. Your guild will not collapse if you are off line for a few hours or evenings (this was also another VERY hard lesson to learn!).

I guess what I'm trying to say is hang in there! It gets better, it really does. You WILL find your stride as long as your leadership believes in you and has the drive to push on(and it sounds like you do!).

Anyhow, sorry for the long, rambling reply...it's just that I know almost *exactly* what you are going through and feeling, and it's tough. If you ever need to talk/vent feel free to holler my way =)

*hugs*

~Beru

Keeva said...

@PTD: I intended my blog to be a mix of educational posts (I love to share and teach), and "Dear WoW Diary" posts. With a smattering of screenshots, no doubt - that comes from the photographer in me. But lately I've been feeling annoyed that I haven't had time to sit and think about what topics I could write about to help people.

I like making strategy diagrams and videos - but because Ulduar isn't terribly difficult, it seems many people already have strategies written up, and I don't want to seem as though I am piggy-backing. I also feel annoyed that I don't have time at the moment to "get in first" so when I see other people writing about things I know I could be writing about (but don't have time), I get frustrated.

I think I may need to actually go back to what I was doing in the beginning - keeping a notepad of ideas for articles that can be written at any time (and aren't necessarily time-sensitive - general information that won't be old news after a week), and pre-write them for times that I get busy and don't have time to put something together at the usual time. I need to stop putting so much emphasis (and pressure on myself) on writing about what's going on RIGHT NOW, and realise that blogs don't have to just be about breaking news.

My biggest problem is just finding time to think of new and interesting things to write about - that aren't necessarily the same hot topics everyone else is posting about. Having "different" (but still educational or helpful) content on my blog is what makes me feel as though I am not slacking.

@Kayeri: I already have allllll of my trademark Keeva-screenies from Ulduar ready to post up - just waiting for the last one in the series before I post the lot! I can't wait :)

@Averna: Thanks :) In the meantime at least I have great blogs to read, even if I don't have time to write for a little while.

@Beru: It's been pretty nasty. The guys who left had some personal grudges with our rival guild, which spread a lot of hate. When they left, I had hoped it would mean an end to the bickering.. but it hasn't. I ignore the trolls (which have now progressed to personal attacks on me - I'm surprised it took this long), but it is sad when ex-guildmates mock you and try to tear you down - players that you raided with for ages, and then with a flick of a switch, they suddenly hate you. I don't get it, honestly.

I (we) have worked hard to get everything back up and running and to push forward. But at this point, it's really up to the rest of the guild to have confidence in us and keep moving forward..... or to decide to give it up. I don't think there is much left that I can do except wait to see what they are going to do. That's the part I really dislike - not knowing. I'm not giving up - but I wish I had some rock to cling to at this point. I hate this feeling of living week to week.

I've said it a few times.. Naxx is what ruined people and made them soft raiders. We cleared it in two nights the first time we went in, and from then on it was a 3hr clear of the entire instance. Within a few weeks we could basically do Naxx, Malygos and OS all in one night. Then we get to Yogg, which takes (gasp) more than a few hours, more than a fight NIGHTS to learn - and people decide that it must be because the guild is terrible and we're failures. Nevermind that few people have killed Yogg yet, nevermind we're leading the server.

They just can't see past the greener pastures of a guild that HAS killed Yogg.

Personally.. I like to earn my kills, I like to get that first kill myself. Why would you want to sacrifice that and be dragged through content?


Back to waiting and hoping.

Astrouid said...

Hey Keeva,

I'm one of the silent resto druids that reads your blog and although I don't post or comment, just wanted to let you know that I feel bad for the guild drama. Stuff like that sucks.

I recently transferred by druid to a new server for progression and new leadership, but I made a post of the realm forum about my move and clearly communicated on vent to my old guild about what didn't work out. I don't understand how folks can simply lie. It's disrespectful and destroys any relationship that they have built with people.

--Astrouid, Executus, EU (berlin, germany)

Bell said...

Take your time. Post when you want, with what you want. Don't worry about what other people are writing. :)

We'll be here when you're ready.

Averna said...

"I need to stop putting so much emphasis (and pressure on myself) on writing about what's going on RIGHT NOW, and realise that blogs don't have to just be about breaking news."

Seriously! Don't stress. And you know what? People don't want to read about the new Val'anyr info 40 times over. We want to read about it once, maybe twice, and then go to a blog that has info about the argent tournament, or what factions to grind rep, or who killed what in Ulduar, or something like that. You don't have to scoure mmo-champion every 30 minutes to get good, appreciated blog posts up.

<3

Aertimus said...

*hugs* I feel for you.

But... isn't the T8 chest the sexiest thing ever!!! I dumped crap tons of DKP on it because it is so pretty! I just want to look at myself in the log in screen all day...

Corgii said...

I really admire you for doing all this, Keeva! Taking on so much responsibility and still letting us know what's going on makes me feel great, and really shows how much you appreciate your readers =)

I myself, along with 5 or 6 other guild mates, recently left our old guild due to disagreements with our GM/Officers and are struggling to put together our own 10man raiding guild. It's hard and really discouraging at the moment, but hopefully I can take a leaf off of your branch and soldier through it!

Good luck! (not that you need it; go get that server first!)

Kayeri said...

I agree with you, Keeva, I want to earn my kills! I always felt a little guilty about leaving my first guild and going into a guild that, at the time, had Kara about 80% mastered... I always felt the lack of learning those fights the hard way...

I like to think I've made up for it since then, as I was in the forefront of us learning and mastering ZA, then Naxx (first 10, then as 25 semi-pugs) when LK came out, and now Ulduar... and with 5 bosses down, I feel VERY happy that I was a part of that, with more to come!

Now, if we could just get past the first 30 seconds of Iron Council.. ::chuckle::

Sydera said...

Chin up Keeva! You guys have done a great job surviving drama, and if your guild ends up server second...well, you're still an awesome guild.

Also, I love the guild website you put together. Very snazzy and easy to use! Conquest could learn something from that.